


Love is really nothing but a dream that keeps waking me.

by je000nghan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Ex Sex, Exes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:20:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je000nghan/pseuds/je000nghan
Summary: Jeonghan finally agrees to meet Joshua 10 years after their breakup — where all that there is left to do is to rekindle whatever they never moved on from through a steamy, longing fuck, until...





	Love is really nothing but a dream that keeps waking me.

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from a song called “Edge of Desire” by my favorite artist of all time, John Mayer.

Joshua (8:17 PM): hannie, i’m outside!

Jeonghan (8:17 PM): going down! were you able to park?

Joshua (8:18 PM): yup, i’m standing in front of your gate.

Joshua (8:18 PM): dude, you’ve got like a million cars..

Jeonghan: (8:19 PM): maybe i stole them

_ “a-s- -i-f-,- -I- -k-n-o-w- -y-o-u- -e-a-r-n- -w-e-l-l-,- -a-t-t-y-!,” _ Joshua types, internally proud of the success his ex-lover has achieved in ten years (but of course, it’s no surprise with what faith he’s had in the latter; it was written in the stars).

“Joshuji,” the most familiar and the sweetest honey-filled voice calls out a nickname Joshua hasn’t heard in a  _ very _ long time. Panicky, Joshua presses ‘send’ despite having the recipient stand before him like a rainbow-filled regal unicorn terrain of an impossible dream. He looks up and meets Jeonghan in the eyes.

It only takes Jeonghan five million heartbeats per second, an intense heat rush concentrated on his nape down his muscled back, and a few seconds for him to stretch out his arms and gently pull his ex-lover into his embrace. Jeonghan’s smile grows bigger as Joshua hugs him back.

“I missed you,” Jeonghan whispers, lips pressing slight kisses unto the top of Joshua’s head as he speaks. “I miss you still.”

The warmth radiating between their bodies is too much for a wholesome hug like so, but Joshua decides to keep their position for a few seconds still, breathing in their respective scents that they thought they must have forgotten ten years later and matching in their body frames that developed into greater builts — still, they were perfect; they were nothing less than comfortable and compatible.

Jeonghan leans down deeper, adjusting their bodies into a tighter hug in a way that their heads have fallen atop each other’s shoulders and their torsos are locked down warmly inside each other’s limbs. Jeonghan rubs his palms over the expanse of Joshua’s back, whispering a thousand  _ I miss you’s _ until his lips were moving against the softest, most sensitive spots of Joshua’s shoulders and farther into the latter’s neck. Joshua allows him.

“Bedroom?” Jeonghan asks, nipping on the onion-thin skin on Joshua’s neck until the latter’s blood rises to the surface and into a circular mark one shade darker than the rest of Joshua’s skin. Joshua could only lock his arms around Jeonghan tighter, inviting him deeper into his neck, and groans in utter want. Jeonghan feels Joshua’s pants twitch. “Come with me,” he invites, taking Joshua by the hand.

Jeonghan resides inside a village where high net worth-ed people live, and amongst the majority of a variety of little mansions and glass houses was Jeonghan’s abode: a modern and industrial house with high kid-friendly accents that keep the place safe and liveable for him and his five-year old daughter, Suji. 

“Seungcheol likes to sleep here, especially when he’s got early morning hearings in the city,” Jeonghan shares as they reach the first out of three designated guest rooms (the remaining ones were for his parents and his sister for when they visit, he explains). “Sometimes, he comes over uninvited. We’re lucky he’s not here tonight.”

Joshua laughs. (Nevermind that he feels conscienced at the fact of him separating ways with Seungcheol too, among others, after college. He just feels a little extra sad when it comes to Seungcheol, the three of them were the best friends they all wanted to last until forever.)

“How about Suji? Does she sleep in your room?” Joshua asks, anticipating to meet Jeonghan’s daughter. And as if right on cue, one turn later, Jeonghan stops before a cute wooden door with a drawing framed against it, displaying stick figures of  _ Papa Han and Suji _ .

“She has her own,” Jeonghan answers, stretching a hand around said door’s knob, proceeding to twist it open. “She’s at that age already, but I let her sleep with me for most days.”

Holding hands still, Jeonghan and Joshua enter the sleeping Suji’s bedroom; and when Jeonghan switches on the lamp sitting on Suji’s bedside table, the beauty of the little lady is illuminated, highlighting the details of her face that resemble her father’s the most — the eyes, the mouth, and honestly, the entirety of Suji just undoubtedly reflects herself to be the daughter of Yoon Jeonghan and the kind of wonderful father that he is to her.

At this point where the mother remains to be a mystery to Joshua (rumor has it, Jeonghan impregnated a woman in an unprotected one night stand, but Joshua knows there’s more to Jeonghan than just a man who can’t pull out on time), there is nothing that Joshua is more interested in than what it must be like to co-parent this child with his ex-lover… and the world can’t blame him, not when 10 years later, Jeonghan is still the family he sees in his future.

“It was difficult, having to separate her from my bedroom, but she needed it,” Jeonghan continues as they both watch Suji before them, sleeping ever so soundly. “I had to rush to her side and lull her to sleep at wee hours each night whenever her cries come through the monitor. Man, was I sleepless!”

“Parenting must be so hard, I can’t even comment on anything but how difficult it must be for you, especially that you have to do things alone.”

Jeonghan nods. “If it’s love, I manage.” (He feels Joshua’s hands twitch a little, but he wouldn’t know it’s because his response brought a pang to Joshua’s heart.

If it’s real, and if they love each other still, would Jeonghan be willing to manage?

Joshua would slave under the Cupid’s commands if it means they could pick off from where their relationship left off at the stage of entering the twenties where insecurity and immaturity took over 10 years ago, now that they’re older and wiser and still very much in love hopefully, mutually.)

“You okay?” Jeonghan asks, lightly shaking their hands enough to bring Joshua back to his senses. “What are you thinking about?”

Joshua pulls off a smile. “Nothing,” he lies. “Just imagining how you did all those fatherly things. You seem to have mastered the art of it.”

“Honestly, the separate rooms thing is still difficult until today. I mean, how can I not sleep beside my beautiful angel?” Jeonghan smiles at Suji, priceless as priceless can be. “She’s the love of my life.”

They share a smile.

“How about me?” Joshua teases, pulling Jeonghan’s hand cutely and very much child-like, his smile curving crescents with his eyes. Jeonghan missed seeing that.

“You know already,” Jeonghan teases back, releasing their hands to pull Joshua into a full side hug and pressing a kiss on the latter’s temple. “You’re my greatest love.”

Joshua hugs back. “When you say ‘you’re’, did you mean ‘you are’ or.’you were’?”

Jeonghan laughs with him, leaves a kiss unto his daughter, and leads them out of the room.

It may be too soon for Jeonghan to answer, considering he did agree to meet Joshua tonight only to hook up (goodness, what an excuse), but if he did, he’d most probably say:  _ You still are. _

They enter Jeonghan’s room quietly, and while Jeonghan’s eyes lock unto the his designation towards the bed, Joshua’s eyes wander and sees:  _ nothing.  _ Jeonghan’s room was plain at plain’s best with only a few framed photos here and there of him and his family, their college circle and current friends, and heartwarming drawings from Suji.

Funny how the sleekness of Jeonghan’s taste is pulled off and seen throughout the house (minus the jungle of toys and colorful letter and number pieces of mat, plus a three-foot tall empty box of dollhouse sitting lifelessly by the entrance of the main door, etc.), but the best thing about Jeonghan’s room being  _ plain at plain’s best _ is that it is consistent — back in their days of dating, Jeonghan’s dorm room was a canvas Joshua took care of (talk about bed and pillow sheets shopping and little trinkets to display) and Jeonghan’s childhood room was a typical sports balls and console haven of an old rich family’s son.

Joshua wonders if fate would allow him to make this room a canvas soon; perhaps, photos of him and Jeonghan as lovers, maybe even with Suji should they become a family then. But of course, dreams of serious romance and family is but unfitting in their current situation. They were only meant to hook up before anything else. Joshua scolds himself for thinking so much.

“There’s not a lot to see,” Jeonghan confesses as a matter of fact, sitting by the foot of the bed and stretch his arms out, inviting Joshua to come to him — Joshua does, and they embrace, the latter standing before him. “I should’ve taken you to my study first, but I can no longer wait to fuck you, my  _ baby.”  _ (Goodness, how Joshua missed this gentle dominance.)

“Take me to your study next time and fuck me there, why don’t you?” Joshua challenges, leaning down as he scoops Jeonghan’s jaws into his hands and starts a kiss — Jeonghan tastes like toothpaste and fresh saliva as a fact, and then ten long years of longing buried under the deceiving normalcy and the declaration of being ‘fine’ made bearable by a sweet field of strawberries and wine as a fantasy. Joshua hitches as he feels the electric touch of Jeonghan’s fingers sliding from his hips up until they find their way through the hem of his shirt and underneath it, and farther until they start flickering his sensitive buds. “I fucking miss you,” he groans. “So, so fucking much.”

Jeonghan scooches backwards when Joshua motions to straddle him properly, lips never leaving their latch. Jeonghan figures Joshua’s body was like a piano you never really soon unlearn — that the moment you lay your hands unto him, you’d know your way through. In this instance, he removes Joshua’s clothes as quick and as gentle as he had always done in the past, cups the latter’s crotch and feels the sensitive body of love and lust in his hold.

Joshua grinds against him until he slides his hand down Joshua’s briefs, giving him clumsy strokes because of course, Jeonghan’s hands always performed best around the former’s buttocks; and so, he adjusts, sliding Joshua’s briefs down until he’s completely naked, and squeezes mid-harshly against the sexiest buttocks Jeonghan will ever award as so. And when he starts teasing the Joshua’s hole, massaging the rim, the latter works on his clothes in return — when they’re off, Jeonghan pauses, taking a look at all the nudity on his bed.

“What’s the matter?” Joshua worries, kneeling tall before the other. “Everything okay?”

Jeonghan smiles, the kind that is soft and warm and brings assurance unto Joshua’s heart that all is okay, all is good. “Joshuji,” he calls, smoothing a palm over the other’s ass. “You look so, so good.”

“You don’t look bad either,” Joshua jokes, knowing it playfully offends Jeonghan when he limits the praises the latter deserves. “Just a little below my good looks, you’re almost as perfect as I am.” Thus, rewarding him with multiply hard squeezes unto his buttocks until he’s forced down to lay atop the other, bare chests pressing skin to skin.

They continue to kiss, slow and passionately, grinding against each other’s cocks, warm skin beneath their bodies and hands all over each other, as Jeonghan stretches an arm to the bedside table, pulling out a bottle of lube and an opened box of condoms. Joshua would’ve questioned Jeonghan’s use of condoms before he came around again, but he’s had his fair share of sex in those ten years. Nevertheless, he still feels a little jealous — and a jealous Joshua works his way into recognition, tracing down his kisses until his face is inches before Jeonghan’s cock, wrapping a hand around its length before giving it a long, blissful stripe. Joshua delights in the sound of Jeonghan’s groan.

Eagerly, Jeonghan locks a handful of hair into his palm, pushing Joshua deeper until they both feel the tip of his cock reach the back of Joshua’s throat and  _ fuck _ , there is nothing sexier than seeing Joshua struggled with his size, yet taking him in desperate obedience. Joshua meets Jeonghan’s eyes, and when Jeonghan sees the former’s water and twinkle in tears, Jeonghan goes ahead and thrusts his hips upward, roughly helping Joshua with his work by fucking the latter’s mouth relentlessly, throwing out praises of  _ ‘yes, baby. that’s it. yes, take all of daddy in. you’re fine, baby. hold daddy’s wrist if it hurts.’ _ Joshua always loved how his actions contrast the genuine gentleness of his words — not once did Jeonghan ever hurt him unwantedly during sex.

“Fuck-fuck-up-up-up-up-up!” Jeonghan commands, lifting Joshua’s head by the chin and pulling his cock out of the latter’s mouth, jerking himself until he’s releasing streams of white which Joshua chases with his tongue. Jeonghan smiles teeth-out, satisfied at the sight of his baby taking action and jerking his dick for him, sucking out the rest of his cum and swallowing it.

“You always tasted so sweet, Hannie,” Joshua compliments. “Can you come one more time?”

“Of course, baby,” Jeonghan affirms, pulling himself up which meant they’re switching places. “Lie down for daddy.”

As he obeys, lying on his back, Joshua automatically pulls his legs toward his chest, waiting patiently as Jeonghan rolls a condom down his still hard cock — when he’s finished, Jeonghan leans down and presses a haste kiss on Joshua’s lips, three times, smiling.

“It’s at times like this when I used to say ‘I love you,’” he whispers, still inches above Joshua, carrying his weight with his arms on either side of the other.

“Do you wanna say it?” Joshua asks, hoping in the affirmative — and like a dream, Jeonghan plants a long kiss on the top of his hair and answers, “Yes,” and then stares at him lovingly and says, “Joshuji,  _ I love you. _ ”

Joshua smiles in return, eyes warming with tears he manages to prevent, and replies, “Hannie,  _ I love you, too. _ ”

With one last single deep kiss, Jeonghan proceeds to thumb the tip of Joshua’s dick, playing with the string of precum before properly coating them both with lube and aligning his dick into Joshua’s hole.

“Tight as I have remembered,” he notices, shushing Joshua softly as he eases his way inside. “Let’s see if you still remember me, too.”

Joshua cups on his mouth as he pain of Jeonghan’s size stings inside him, holding in his moans and saving his cries for the pounding. “I do,” he manages to let out and truthfully, he does; Jeonghan feels welcomed inside his body, his cock warm and sensitive, hugged perfectly by Joshua’s walls. It touches him to feel all this familiarity again, ten years later.

“Ready?” Jeonghan smiles, locking their left hands together and pressing a kiss unto the back of the other’s. “Tell me if it hurts and we’ll pause, okay?”

“Okay.”

“It’s going to sting a little.”

“It already does.”

“I’ll take care of you.”

“I know you will.”

Jeonghan thrusts once. “You’ll get more of this. I’m glad your ass still remembers me. Have you been stretched bigger?”

“Me too,” Joshua squirms slightly, calling Jeonghan into motion. “You’re the biggest in my book.”

Jeonghan doesn’t stop himself from laughing, but that isn’t to say he’s not a little jealous — noting this, he later rams against Joshua’s ass until the room is filled with nothing but the sounds of his grunts, the latter’s cries, and blushed skin slapping loudly unto blushed skin, the sleek sounds of lube interceding in between.

  
  
  


☾

  
  
  


Now, it wouldn’t be fair to only dive into the Yoon Jeonghan ten years after their break up in college because while Jeonghan had impregnated a woman and kept his daughter for himself, Joshua was actually already  _ taken. _

Worse, he was in a relationship with their best friend’s ex-fling and one of their closest friends, Jihoon.

It was all convenient and lonely sex. Having been separated with their ex-lovers due to reasons of trust and immaturity for him and Jeonghan, and a career that didn’t favor romance for Jihoon and Seungcheol; and having been working together every day as musician and manager, Jihoon and Joshua, respectively, decided each other was the best recourse — when days are sad and sex is the cure, they might as well put a label on it.. Besides, they could never fall in love with anyone else, especially not with each other, even if they tried.

However, the absence of romantic love was unspoken. That’s problem number one for his relationship with Jihoon, but reason number one to pursue Jeonghan even if it means he’s cheating — which, as it obviously is, is problem number two; with or without love, Joshua was cheating.   
  


“Sleeping?” Jeonghan asks, pulling a sex-ed out Joshua into his chest; Joshua clings his lifeless arm around the other’s torso and nods, answering, “Sleepy.”

“Sleep,” Jeonghan permits, kissing the top of Joshua’s head and securing him in his hold. “I’ll clean you up, don’t worry.”

Jeonghan excuses himself when Joshua’s breath evens.   
  
  


His phone rings not longer after he cleans both Joshua and himself;

it was an interesting phone call — muffled cries and incoherent phrases that pick up along the lines of:  _ “Joshua and Jihoon are together.” _

Jeonghan drops the call.

Seungcheol (10:04 PM): fuck. i wish i never knew. fuck this

And it was brought into Jeonghan’s knowledge by none other than the man in love with Jihoon.

Jeonghan curses the night for cutting his happiness short and stealing his hopes of rekindling away from him. He can’t have Joshua now, it seems.

  
  


☾

  
  
  


Joshua awakens early in the morning, heart heavy with guilt, eyes crying as the need to come clean to both Jeonghan and Jihoon creeps into his skin.

He’ll deal with it soon, no matter the consequences it may come with.

He can no longer deny the love that he has for Jeonghan,

not when it never left, but only subsided for ten sad years.

**Author's Note:**

> hey, you! i hope you liked that fic. it’s been a while since i posted something yoonhong in complete narrative and i can’t even begin with how much i missed yoonhong-ing on this website! gosh! i also have to apologize to yall’s for ghosting on [Human Eyes / Birdsong](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15671682) and never continuing [Why do you let me stay here?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18156842) after one chapter, but i Promise, i have no plans of abandoning those. t_____t
> 
> ANYWAYS !!! this fic is actually a Bonus (is it really when it’s a major event in the story...) update for my filipino twt au [CONTINUUM.](https://twitter.com/yoonhong_/status/1137327338918559744?s=21). so if it’s a little confusing (like, woah? jeonghan’s got a kid? jihoon’s a musician and joshua’s his manager? seungcheol attends to hearings?) it’s because they are established characters from that au! so if you’re here because of that, i hope you liked it and have taken note of the events of the story incorporated in this piece of smut!
> 
> but !!! if you’re not, then, if you’re a filipino, i’m inviting you to check the fic! you’re not obliged, but... yeah, this is just me linking things. lol
> 
> and, if you’re not filipino/can’t understand tagalog and is here for the smut, hi !!! and i hope you enjoyed it !!!!!!
> 
> YALL’S HAVE GOOD DAYS AND STAY HEALTHY AND LET’S !! CATCH UP IN MY OTHER & FUTURE WORKS SOON ♡ MWA
> 
> [twitter](https://twittery.com/je000nghan) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/je000nghan) | [twt filo au acc](https://b.com/yoonhong_) | [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.gbycom/F1F7OQ52)


End file.
